Making peace with myself…

“You can be the ripest and juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hate peaches.” – Dita Von Teese

So this is the main thread I hold on to…

We meet million people in our lifetime and whatever you try or do you can’t make everyone happy. You can’t be liked by all and you can’t expect them to behave how you want it.

My mom is a perfectionist – to an extent that i once doubted if she had OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Thankfully she didn’t, but that meant we couldn’t do anything about her being so perfect and expecting the same from us.

But what did it do to me..?

I got a fixation to become perfect and more than that obsessed about making everyone happy. BUT that was me and I was not perfect, not even near to it. I wanted to be liked And a never ending battle kept on going between what I am and what I wanted to be.

I got married in a joint family which was so full of love. Hence the longing to be liked made me maniac. I was ready to change every cell, every tissue of myself. I tried forcing every neuron of my brain to react happy and ready for everything all the time. Stopped working, woke up at 7, cooked day after day, wore saree and suits, placed a bindi, didn’t workout to stay fit, got ready like a perfect bahu for every possible family gathering with an ear to ear smile pasted on my face.

What I didn’t realise was that with every passing day i was loosing myself… until a day came and I fainted. Now my brain cells didn’t want to respond to what I was commanding them to do.

Yes, it was depression, a bad one and It took me more than a year to get out of it completely.

But I am so happy it happenned.

It woke me up

It brought me out of that likable maniac form and told me straight,” HEY..!! LET’s MAKE A LITTLE PEACE with your own self.”

“Breathe and let your soul breathe”

I no more put efforts beyond my own limits, thus I don’t feel hurt when I get the same. I don’t want to be known as a perfect daughter in law or wife or even a perfect mother for that matter. I love my kids to death and I am sure God chose me for them because he thinks I am best (for them). But then I don’t need to prove this to whole wide world.

Now the life seems so much more easy.

I am OK…  You are OK…

I don’t feel inferior or superior to anyone anymore. No more insecurities.

What’s mine is mine, they don’t need to prove that either. What if my husband is stuck with the television for hours at night, if that’s what he enjoys most then why should I force him out of it. I understood the pain a heart goes through when it tries to change for someone. Even if its done by your own wish. So, I found something to do while sitting beside him. We discuss television, blogs, my social media life, everything and we love that.

I feel happy when someone wishes me even after 2 days of my birthday. At least still they thought of me.

I am ok if you don’t like me, thats your choice people. I no more hate anyone, Either love them or they just don’t matter to me. I no more hold grudges.

World is thriving of love, We should either spread it or at least keep it to ourselves. Hatred is so not needed.

Love yourself, Love the way you are and then you won’t need to convince the world to do the same.

I freed myself from those chains that I tied around myself. I still seek perfection but along with that I breath, I don’t suffocate anymore.

The crux lies in just one word ACCEPTANCE. If we Accept everyone the way they are, we are all sorted. Just find your way to be with those accepted facts

As once said by a friend, “We can be Perfectionists but never Perfect.”

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