My Darling Husband surprised me with a party as I turned 30. The cake too read “THE DIRTY THIRTY”. It was naughty and fun party during which a couple of my girl friends threw few realisation bombs on me like
> no more getting young and pretty > get more responsible with kids and planning their future > life is not just fun anymore.
And I was taken by a turmoil of thoughts in mind and butterflies in my stomach.
How much ever we deny but this is true. 30 is an age when you need to become if not serious, but at least responsible. Responsible enough to take care of your kids and family and to think about future. FUTURE..!!- Does that mean planning my old age..? I am 30, may be I have maximum of 30 years to live or may be lesser. More than half of my ‘Healthy‘ life is over. The life where I am by myself completely and would love to be same. The next hit was when I realised that these years all I did was studying, made friends and few enemies, did ok professionally and all this tit bit that may be everyone does. I live in a big joint family, have wonderful babies as I planned and now what.
That day I realised what it means when we say life is too short. Certainly it is. What if I have only 15 years more to live. There are so many people I haven’t met, so many places I haven’t been to, so many things I haven’t learnt yet and so much I wish to do.
It felt like I wasted so much of time just being envy of someone, by being annoyed with someone, expecting from people, creating issues, cribbing over my MIL, cribbing over how my life could be or how it was once upon a time, how I didn’t enjoy my vacations coz i didn’t know swimming and the list was endless.
But i think thats how life is, thats what being young is, thats where we go wrong sometimes. Next 2-3 days went in contemplation, and then I started working on making it worth to live, not to prove it to anyone but for myself to live happily.
First of all i needed to feel content. How I was, how professionally successful I was, how my husband used to behave, how fit I remained…all that is not there anymore, and its ok!! Change is the prime law of life. The more I thought, more acceptable it all became.
Once great poet ‘Mirza Ghalib’ quoted,” kuch is tareh maine zindagee ko asaan kar liya… kisi se maafi maang li, kisi ko maaf kar diya.” ( I did little something to make my life easy, To few I apologised, to few I forgave.) These words are so beautiful and now I understood how easy your life gets with this mantra. I know it feels like philosophy only but really a little bit of effort and life is so happy.
Expectations are necessary to keep warmth of relations but when they are not met, it becomes a heart pain. So i better keep my life neutral and not so much filled with expectations. I do what i feel to do, rest i don’t. People dislike the attitude but its not possible to be perfect or to keep everyone happy. The key to make world a better place for myself and kids was to keep myself happy. That certainly needed a lot of work and effort.
First step was to feeling my worth, then it had to be “I am OK, You are OK ” deal. Today I have stopped putting effort in making my image perfect in front of people. I work on making myself happy, I work on making my kids happy, my husband and in laws might not support my thinking, but sometimes they adjust and lot of times they have to. My life can’t go waste thinking upon how my aloo matar came out today, it needs to be better. it needs to be worth more. By worth I don’t mean I need to get back to work. I should get old happily, I should die content. I want to learn baking, photography, hair styling, nail art and what not. I ‘ll soon do some of them soon to find a happier me. Few steps here I follow now to help myself achieve this:
* Do not focus of when people don’t like your way. A life well lived is the best revenge.
* Stop trying to control other people’s thought processes. Focus on self, as thats what is in your hands.
*Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. All we look for is a closure and peace.
* Create distance where the strings do not match, who wants arguments.? No one is bad, its just the mismatch of personalities.
* Try and earn to LET GO.
I hope I could make my point to a bit. My life is easier, I hope yours get too.