While growing up we always heard that opposites attract. Somehow life also gave a couple of examples. But down the heart I knew I like intelligence and Truth fullness the most, weather a person is like me or the other polar.
Generally speaking, Birds with same feathers always fly together and I believe generally this is the reason cast system originated and people started marrying within the casts because different cast meant difference in opinions.While the first thing that we consciously become aware of in meeting someone is their physical appearance. Then it has to do with a feeling, an instinctive sense of the qualities and tendencies that may be invisible to the naked eye or to our conscious awareness, but are recognized by a kind of inner radar that identifies and responds to someone on a subconscious level.
I was 24, when I got married to him. He is intelligent, smart, handsome and loves me a lot too. Ours was an arranged marriage so while deciding to say yes for each other, all we knew was that we were extremely comfortable with each other and felt to just let it happen.
But with the time we realised, we were poles apart by nature. I am an extrovert, highly energetic, fitness freak, super social, less sleeping chatterbox and all of these in a hyper altitude and he is one sleep head with totally non-social nature. But by the time we realised this and started facing issues, we were already in love with each other too much to give up.
There were a lot of different issues I faced in initial years of my marriage like he will hate going to my family gatherings, he won’t come shopping with me, he won’t come meet my friends, he didn’t have any circle so i was practically socially cut out.I am a person who ‘ll spend 80 out of 100 Rupee that i have and ‘ll keep 20 just till i receive my next hundred. But he was a person who ll spend just 20 and so many more.
Initially both of us tried to change ourselves to fit in to each others’ line of thoughts but that did hurt us so much internally that I went in a depressive state. After few therapies only we realised where we were going wrong.
We loved each other so much and all we needed was little bit of tuning. We learnt so much from each other. He made me more balanced, more confident on what i used to do. I made him to look at relations more emotionally, he learnt being responsive in relations. Professionally I started handling people much better.
So what we did was we started adjusting with each other. I am not saying compromise but adjusting. There is a fine line between the 2 words and when you love someone you adjust to make it a happy relationship. We decided on letting me make my circle without him, I also stopped pushing him in gatherings. Basically we started supporting each others nature. We stared spending Rs 50, not 20 nor 80. We literally worked it up by mutually gaining a balance.
I still get sad a lot of times when he doesn’t understand, when he still asks me not to go somewhere but thats how life is. Even I put him in spending more on me, on kids and on family as well.It’s the difference that makes relationships edgy, dynamic, exciting and sometimes a little scary. There is of course, very less difference between “a little scary” and frightening. And there is a fine balance between having enough danger in a relationship to make it stimulating and to keep it from dying from a lack of excitement.